[ it's been some time, since hughes arrived, and it's felt . . . okay. there's a constant consideration of the reality of the situation, in the back of roy's mind. hughes is dead, and there's no pretending otherwise. but still, roy has gotten into the groove of feeling comfortable, which is never a good place to be.
he's also been considering what maes forced him to consider, which was riza.
it's something that has sort of lingered on the outskirts of thought, mostly because (1) riza is riza and (2) they've both been running from death for as long as they can remember to consider anything else. but maes forcing it into roy's hands in explicit terms has given him something to think about, and it's difficult to ignore what's there now that it's been spelled out to him. struxta had provided a reprieve, but now that everything is calm again, he's faced with the same . . . uncomfortable feelings that maes forced him to think about, because this is all, obviously, his fault.
what makes it uncomfortable is how it's not uncomfortable. admitting he cares about her is as easy as breathing; there is her, and no one else, because they made that pact with one another a long time ago. he would die for her, in a heartbeat, no questions asked. he nearly traded all of amestris for her, until she told him not to. everyone knows how much he cares about her, which is why people continually use her against him, in every step he makes. king bradley did it. father did it. shehui did it. and now, arguably, this damn circle did it, because she is still trapped here, and he is tasked with watching over her, just like he has been since he was a stupid kid.
but life is short. fleeting. and being happy, and also succeeding in his mission, doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. but he is happy, isn't he? is she? or maybe he's just overthinking the entire thing, and he should just maintain the status quo, as it always has been, because she isn't going anywhere, and neither is he.
this is stupid.
. . . which is the last thought that pops into his head before he leans into their room, mostly to see if she's there, and when she is, roy is suddenly struck with the thought that now he has to say something, when he's been lingering outside the door to his own fucking room for a solid five minutes silently arguing with himself: ]
after temple arrival.
he's also been considering what maes forced him to consider, which was riza.
it's something that has sort of lingered on the outskirts of thought, mostly because (1) riza is riza and (2) they've both been running from death for as long as they can remember to consider anything else. but maes forcing it into roy's hands in explicit terms has given him something to think about, and it's difficult to ignore what's there now that it's been spelled out to him. struxta had provided a reprieve, but now that everything is calm again, he's faced with the same . . . uncomfortable feelings that maes forced him to think about, because this is all, obviously, his fault.
what makes it uncomfortable is how it's not uncomfortable. admitting he cares about her is as easy as breathing; there is her, and no one else, because they made that pact with one another a long time ago. he would die for her, in a heartbeat, no questions asked. he nearly traded all of amestris for her, until she told him not to. everyone knows how much he cares about her, which is why people continually use her against him, in every step he makes. king bradley did it. father did it. shehui did it. and now, arguably, this damn circle did it, because she is still trapped here, and he is tasked with watching over her, just like he has been since he was a stupid kid.
but life is short. fleeting. and being happy, and also succeeding in his mission, doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. but he is happy, isn't he? is she? or maybe he's just overthinking the entire thing, and he should just maintain the status quo, as it always has been, because she isn't going anywhere, and neither is he.
this is stupid.
. . . which is the last thought that pops into his head before he leans into their room, mostly to see if she's there, and when she is, roy is suddenly struck with the thought that now he has to say something, when he's been lingering outside the door to his own fucking room for a solid five minutes silently arguing with himself: ]
Do you have a minute?
[ smooth. ]