[ it's been some time, since hughes arrived, and it's felt . . . okay. there's a constant consideration of the reality of the situation, in the back of roy's mind. hughes is dead, and there's no pretending otherwise. but still, roy has gotten into the groove of feeling comfortable, which is never a good place to be.
he's also been considering what maes forced him to consider, which was riza.
it's something that has sort of lingered on the outskirts of thought, mostly because (1) riza is riza and (2) they've both been running from death for as long as they can remember to consider anything else. but maes forcing it into roy's hands in explicit terms has given him something to think about, and it's difficult to ignore what's there now that it's been spelled out to him. struxta had provided a reprieve, but now that everything is calm again, he's faced with the same . . . uncomfortable feelings that maes forced him to think about, because this is all, obviously, his fault.
what makes it uncomfortable is how it's not uncomfortable. admitting he cares about her is as easy as breathing; there is her, and no one else, because they made that pact with one another a long time ago. he would die for her, in a heartbeat, no questions asked. he nearly traded all of amestris for her, until she told him not to. everyone knows how much he cares about her, which is why people continually use her against him, in every step he makes. king bradley did it. father did it. shehui did it. and now, arguably, this damn circle did it, because she is still trapped here, and he is tasked with watching over her, just like he has been since he was a stupid kid.
but life is short. fleeting. and being happy, and also succeeding in his mission, doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. but he is happy, isn't he? is she? or maybe he's just overthinking the entire thing, and he should just maintain the status quo, as it always has been, because she isn't going anywhere, and neither is he.
this is stupid.
. . . which is the last thought that pops into his head before he leans into their room, mostly to see if she's there, and when she is, roy is suddenly struck with the thought that now he has to say something, when he's been lingering outside the door to his own fucking room for a solid five minutes silently arguing with himself: ]
[ all things considered, she felt...okay, after the events of struxta. or maybe okay wasn't the correct term for it. she felt satisfied, more than anything, that where the members of the circle had intervened had helped more than anything. el minha still left a bad taste in her mouth, an uncertainty of whether or not they'd been the cause of the strife, or a relief from it. struxta was more cut and dry, more simple, and she wasn't going to take something like that for granted.
and returning to the temple was starting to feel familiar. she didn't necessarily like the fact that a routine was starting to build, but it was better than not knowing where they were or how things worked. even if, officially, they had a room now. with things she left before they were taken to struxta. things that remained here after.
riza is in the room with black hayate when roy leans inside, and she has the distinct feeling that something is. off. even before he asks the question, before she really notices his body language. it's just a feeling, and it causes her a moment's hesitation that black hayate uses to get up from where he'd been sleeping at her feet and move over to his bed in the corner. ]
Of course. Is something wrong? [ she moves to stand - immediately assuming that he needs her help with something. that they need to go and do something about whatever...has roy making that strange expression. ]
[ when she asks the question, he's immediately struck with the reality that of course she's going to be able to tell something is off, because her entire job is to ensure that he's fine. pretending otherwise is stupid, and walking in here without a plan of what to say is even worse, because roy is bad at this.
but he has to say something, so: ]
No, no. Nothing is wrong.
[ reassuring, as he steps more completely into the room, closing the door behind him. black hayate lays down in his corner, and roy watches the dog for half a moment before taking a few steps closer, to sit on the end of riza's bed. ]
I wanted to ask you something, or -- your opinion on something that I've been thinking about.
[ this is literally the titanic who thought this was a good idea ]
[ there is a moment there where riza is so on edge, she finds herself wishing her gun was closer. she doesn't know what she'd be shooting at, or why, but the urge is still there.
it's only when roy's reassurance comes that she feels herself exhale, relax, if only partially. he says that there is nothing wrong, and she will believe him, though she does watch his every step as he moves into the room, looks at black hayate, and settles onto the corner of her bed.
for whatever reason, she's still...unsure. it doesn't feel right. but she will settle into a spot on her bed next to him, just about a foot or so away. ]
Of course. [ said like it's the most obvious thing in the world. ] What's on your mind, General?
[ you. this. whatever is happening. maes hughes' incessant bitching in my left ear. ]
Home.
[ finally, after a long moment of consideration; and while it isn't a lie, it obviously isn't the entire truth, either. there's obviously a complicated issue, on his mind, that he's having difficulty putting into words, so he'll start with something familiar, and work his way up. ]
Do you ever think about what's going to happen, when we win? After all is said and done, and the goal is completed.
[ because there is no other option, than shifting amestris back to a democracy. ]
[ roy says home and riza exhales, all the tension in her back and shoulders leaving her in that rush. he says home and it explains everything she'd been worried about - in his expression, in his body language, in everything else as well.
home. he's thinking about home. and suddenly she feels like she understands. ]
You mean if we rebuild Ishval? [ riza thinks for a moment, her head tilting a bit off to the side in the process of it, as a soft hmmm escapes her. ]
I'm not sure. Go wherever it is I get stationed, I assume. [ a pause, and then she glances back over to him. ] Why?
[ he pushes himself back a little, to lean against the wall as he looks over at her, with a slight frown. searching out her eyes, to gauge her response. to hear go wherever it is i get stationed isn't a surprise, but it answers a question he didn't ask. ]
Amestris becomes as it should. The military coup ends. The country becomes a democracy, and we aren't needed anymore. We can return to a normal life.
[ return. as if they ever had that to begin with. ]
[ all of it he says, and riza turns to look at him - confused, unsure, and...worried? no, that's not quite right, but it's something close. she notices how he's searching out her eyes, and she meets his gaze honestly.
she's not hiding anything from him. if he thinks he can find something more in her eyes, he's more than welcome.
but then he explains further and riza finds herself frowning - turning to face the rest of the room as she thinks it over. ]
I don't...actually know. [ which is about as honest as she can be with her answer, here. ] Go home, I assume. Or at least finally go through father's estate. [ and at the mention of her father, riza feels colder. like a chill had gone down her spine. after another second, she does look back over her shoulder to him. ]
[ there's a silence, at the mention of berthold, and a soft noise of agreement, at her statement. but the consideration of doing so causes an odd feeling in his chest, mostly because riza shouldn't have to do that alone. and roy is just as responsible for going through it as she is. or, at least, he feels obligated.
roy became berthold's greatest fear, in the war. the least he could do is ensure his estate is settled, and his daughter burdenless during the process.
but when she asks that, he simply shrugs. ]
I don't have a family. -- or, at least, a traditional one. [ an amendment, because he does have riza, and his team, and the elrics. that counts, even if it isn't necessarily blood. ] Or an estate, or any of that. My life is tied to Amestris, but once that's over, I imagine I'll wind up wherever you go.
[ he pauses. ]
So long as that eventually winds up in Central.
[ he is so not living on a fuckin middle of nowhere farm, thanks. ]
[ she doesn't realize it, at first. that when she said deal with the estate she hadn't really imagined it alone. and now that she thought about it, she had pictured it - in some way - with roy there as well. the realization makes her feel a bit weird, like she was assuming that even after it was all over that things still wouldn't change.
it makes riza pause for a moment after roy's answer. i imagine i'll wind up wherever you go.
there's a brief moment of silence that follows, before riza finds herself breaking into a small smile, shaking her head to cover the small bout of laughter. ]
No, I can't imagine you anywhere other than Central. There isn't a lot of trouble to get into in the country-side. [ and then riza leans back herself - mimicking roy's stance - sitting next to him. ]
I don't think I would mind living in Central. It would feel...strange to do all this work and then just leave it behind.
[ in the most overdramatic of sighs, watching black hayate stir at the noise. he half considers calling the dog over to come sit next to him, but this is riza's bed, and that is one rule that riza seems to actually care about, for some reason. aren't dogs supposed to be with you at all times? what a weird rule. ]
Absolutely nothing happened and I was kept there on purpose so I would behave myself. [ how ridiculous. ] Central is much more my speed. I think the farthest away from the city I've ever lived [ outside of the war, obviously ] was with you, but I was a kid. [ and eager to learn, and invested in his studies, and obviously didn't know any better. ] A vacation is nice, but ...
[ it's in then that he seems to realize what riza actually did say, and he pauses himself. ]
[ she laughs a little at his dramatics, her eyes falling to black hayate as well. there is a moment where she tries to imagine it - roy on a farm, roy in the countryside, roy - anywhere but in the middle of the action. it's enough to amuse her into a lingering smile even as her eyes shift over to where roy sits at her side, her eyes lingering briefly on his face.
that's where her eyes are when he mentions lived with you and when roy turns back to her. asks the question. riza blinks, at first not quite understanding the question. ]
You mean to the estate? [ she faces forward again, thinking about it. his questions isn't all that absurd, really. she had a house, land, her father's name to think about. money that would be her's to have, once she went through the paperwork, the process. she could, if she wanted to, go back for good.
and it's that moment that riza realizes she never really wanted to. ]
No, I don't think so. [ said with an almost thoughtful tilt. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
after temple arrival.
he's also been considering what maes forced him to consider, which was riza.
it's something that has sort of lingered on the outskirts of thought, mostly because (1) riza is riza and (2) they've both been running from death for as long as they can remember to consider anything else. but maes forcing it into roy's hands in explicit terms has given him something to think about, and it's difficult to ignore what's there now that it's been spelled out to him. struxta had provided a reprieve, but now that everything is calm again, he's faced with the same . . . uncomfortable feelings that maes forced him to think about, because this is all, obviously, his fault.
what makes it uncomfortable is how it's not uncomfortable. admitting he cares about her is as easy as breathing; there is her, and no one else, because they made that pact with one another a long time ago. he would die for her, in a heartbeat, no questions asked. he nearly traded all of amestris for her, until she told him not to. everyone knows how much he cares about her, which is why people continually use her against him, in every step he makes. king bradley did it. father did it. shehui did it. and now, arguably, this damn circle did it, because she is still trapped here, and he is tasked with watching over her, just like he has been since he was a stupid kid.
but life is short. fleeting. and being happy, and also succeeding in his mission, doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. but he is happy, isn't he? is she? or maybe he's just overthinking the entire thing, and he should just maintain the status quo, as it always has been, because she isn't going anywhere, and neither is he.
this is stupid.
. . . which is the last thought that pops into his head before he leans into their room, mostly to see if she's there, and when she is, roy is suddenly struck with the thought that now he has to say something, when he's been lingering outside the door to his own fucking room for a solid five minutes silently arguing with himself: ]
Do you have a minute?
[ smooth. ]
no subject
and returning to the temple was starting to feel familiar. she didn't necessarily like the fact that a routine was starting to build, but it was better than not knowing where they were or how things worked. even if, officially, they had a room now. with things she left before they were taken to struxta. things that remained here after.
riza is in the room with black hayate when roy leans inside, and she has the distinct feeling that something is. off. even before he asks the question, before she really notices his body language. it's just a feeling, and it causes her a moment's hesitation that black hayate uses to get up from where he'd been sleeping at her feet and move over to his bed in the corner. ]
Of course. Is something wrong? [ she moves to stand - immediately assuming that he needs her help with something. that they need to go and do something about whatever...has roy making that strange expression. ]
no subject
but he has to say something, so: ]
No, no. Nothing is wrong.
[ reassuring, as he steps more completely into the room, closing the door behind him. black hayate lays down in his corner, and roy watches the dog for half a moment before taking a few steps closer, to sit on the end of riza's bed. ]
I wanted to ask you something, or -- your opinion on something that I've been thinking about.
[ this is literally the titanic who thought this was a good idea ]
no subject
it's only when roy's reassurance comes that she feels herself exhale, relax, if only partially. he says that there is nothing wrong, and she will believe him, though she does watch his every step as he moves into the room, looks at black hayate, and settles onto the corner of her bed.
for whatever reason, she's still...unsure. it doesn't feel right. but she will settle into a spot on her bed next to him, just about a foot or so away. ]
Of course. [ said like it's the most obvious thing in the world. ] What's on your mind, General?
no subject
Home.
[ finally, after a long moment of consideration; and while it isn't a lie, it obviously isn't the entire truth, either. there's obviously a complicated issue, on his mind, that he's having difficulty putting into words, so he'll start with something familiar, and work his way up. ]
Do you ever think about what's going to happen, when we win? After all is said and done, and the goal is completed.
[ because there is no other option, than shifting amestris back to a democracy. ]
What will you do after?
no subject
home. he's thinking about home. and suddenly she feels like she understands. ]
You mean if we rebuild Ishval? [ riza thinks for a moment, her head tilting a bit off to the side in the process of it, as a soft hmmm escapes her. ]
I'm not sure. Go wherever it is I get stationed, I assume. [ a pause, and then she glances back over to him. ] Why?
no subject
[ he pushes himself back a little, to lean against the wall as he looks over at her, with a slight frown. searching out her eyes, to gauge her response. to hear go wherever it is i get stationed isn't a surprise, but it answers a question he didn't ask. ]
Amestris becomes as it should. The military coup ends. The country becomes a democracy, and we aren't needed anymore. We can return to a normal life.
[ return. as if they ever had that to begin with. ]
What does life look like after that?
no subject
she's not hiding anything from him. if he thinks he can find something more in her eyes, he's more than welcome.
but then he explains further and riza finds herself frowning - turning to face the rest of the room as she thinks it over. ]
I don't...actually know. [ which is about as honest as she can be with her answer, here. ] Go home, I assume. Or at least finally go through father's estate. [ and at the mention of her father, riza feels colder. like a chill had gone down her spine. after another second, she does look back over her shoulder to him. ]
What about you?
no subject
roy became berthold's greatest fear, in the war. the least he could do is ensure his estate is settled, and his daughter burdenless during the process.
but when she asks that, he simply shrugs. ]
I don't have a family. -- or, at least, a traditional one. [ an amendment, because he does have riza, and his team, and the elrics. that counts, even if it isn't necessarily blood. ] Or an estate, or any of that. My life is tied to Amestris, but once that's over, I imagine I'll wind up wherever you go.
[ he pauses. ]
So long as that eventually winds up in Central.
[ he is so not living on a fuckin middle of nowhere farm, thanks. ]
no subject
it makes riza pause for a moment after roy's answer. i imagine i'll wind up wherever you go.
there's a brief moment of silence that follows, before riza finds herself breaking into a small smile, shaking her head to cover the small bout of laughter. ]
No, I can't imagine you anywhere other than Central. There isn't a lot of trouble to get into in the country-side. [ and then riza leans back herself - mimicking roy's stance - sitting next to him. ]
I don't think I would mind living in Central. It would feel...strange to do all this work and then just leave it behind.
no subject
[ in the most overdramatic of sighs, watching black hayate stir at the noise. he half considers calling the dog over to come sit next to him, but this is riza's bed, and that is one rule that riza seems to actually care about, for some reason. aren't dogs supposed to be with you at all times? what a weird rule. ]
Absolutely nothing happened and I was kept there on purpose so I would behave myself. [ how ridiculous. ] Central is much more my speed. I think the farthest away from the city I've ever lived [ outside of the war, obviously ] was with you, but I was a kid. [ and eager to learn, and invested in his studies, and obviously didn't know any better. ] A vacation is nice, but ...
[ it's in then that he seems to realize what riza actually did say, and he pauses himself. ]
You really wouldn't go back, for good?
no subject
that's where her eyes are when he mentions lived with you and when roy turns back to her. asks the question. riza blinks, at first not quite understanding the question. ]
You mean to the estate? [ she faces forward again, thinking about it. his questions isn't all that absurd, really. she had a house, land, her father's name to think about. money that would be her's to have, once she went through the paperwork, the process. she could, if she wanted to, go back for good.
and it's that moment that riza realizes she never really wanted to. ]
No, I don't think so. [ said with an almost thoughtful tilt. ]