[ she doesn't bother with sending another message, instead choosing to just start off. the ship itself is large, but not too large. it barely takes her five minutes or so to get there, walking into the room and moving to take the place next to him, her eyes out into the darkness around them. the stars.
it's breathtaking, really. hard to wrap her mind around, at first. but she isn't surprised to find roy here. ]
[ in response, without much more physical reaction, to riza being there. he can feel her coming, and recognizes her footsteps. but after his statement, he sighs and glances toward her. tired. ]
I haven't been able to sleep, since we got here. I keep hearing things that aren't here.
[ which is hardly an isolated experience, from what he's observed. ]
[ she tilts her head a bit to the side, as if considering. ]
It’s peaceful.
[ she doesn’t expect him to respond. they know the sound of each other’s footfalls, the push and pull of their feet against the ground. she can feel him turn to face her, but she keeps her eyes forward. ]
Hmm. [ considering his statements. ] I haven’t either. Something about the hallways makes me... [ a beat, and then she does finally turn to him. ] Did you want to go for a walk?
[ his eyes linger for half a moment, meeting hers, before returning to the window, pursing his lips together.
it's more than the stupid hallway. it's akvos, and the time away from amestris, and shehui. and surviving, and nearly losing the circle, and (by extension) nearly losing her. and wandering around the abandoned ship has made him antsy, and even worse, bored. and when roy is bored, he thinks, and his mind wanders, and it inevitably rests on her.
he's about to suggest that they ignore the walk altogether when she doesn't finish her sentence. makes her what? uneasy? claustrophobic? frustrated? all of the above? does it even really matter? ]
I wanted to take you out to dinner.
[ the words sort of fall out of his mouth before he can really think about them, which evident in the tiniest of cringes that crosses his face after he says it, and roy lets the words hang in the air for half a moment before he sighs, turning to face her, a little sheepish, but mostly (pretending to be) aggravated. ]
But the witch sent us to an abandoned haunted space ship instead of actual civilization, so a walk will have to do.
[ there is something he's not telling her. she can tell that almost automatically, in the moments after his eyes leave her's. something that is going through his head that he's not sharing. more to what he's trying to tell her, but isn't. more to this moment, between them, and the stars on the other side of the glass.
she could have finished the sentence if she wanted to. there's a laundry list of emotions she could add. but when she might have continued, might have added on, but roy speaks first. says take you out to dinner and riza just. pauses. stops, all things considered, because she is still looking at him and he has his eyes out to the stars and he just said he wanted to take her to dinner?
didn't they just...have dinner? she frowns. and yes, she sees the cringe. sees the way he almost wishes he didn't say it. but it doesn't connect, somewhere along the line. how many dinners have they shared? how many times have they-
and then she gets it (or thinks she gets it) and riza lets out a breath. ]
Sir. [ a beat, where her eyes rise curiously. tired, accepting, but curious. ] What did you do?
[ because obviously he's trying to apologize for something. obviously. ]
it puts him in a precarious position. recover, and pretend it never happened, or press the point, and explain. the thought of explaining the concept of dinner makes him feel ridiculously stupid, and it makes the entire thing feel uncomfortable, and roy would rather not explain that he wants to take her out to dinner as a, you know, date, not as a simple sharing dinner time together.
this was a mistake. and also all maes' fault. roy had words for him, after this embarrassment of intergalactic proportions. why hadn't he just done this when he was a teenager? oh, because berthold fucking hawkeye would have had his guts for literal garters. now it's probably too late without sounding completely utterly absurd . . .
none of which, naturally, he says out loud. instead, roy finally glances over at her, and sees her looking at him like that, and he rolls his eyes in response, shrugging his shoulders and taking a step away from the window, sliding his hands into the pockets of his coat. ]
You would know better than I would, wouldn't you? I have no idea what I have or haven't screwed up in the last twenty-four hours.
[ play it off. nonchalant, dismissive, typical roy. easy. ]
Come on, we may as well stretch our legs to avoid going mad on this thing.
riza doesn't know what it is, or what it is she's said, but she can tell in that immediate moment following that it was wrong and she should have said something else or she's just. forgetting something. riza feels a bit on edge, then - a frown growing on her lips.
what was she missing? what had he been trying to say? but then roy looks at her and rolls his eyes and a little bit of that anxiety fades away because that is still roy who is standing next to her. shrugging. moving on. ]
Okay. [ because she doesn't believe him, and it's too easy to give him an incredulous look at his response. he's absolutely done something, she's sure of it, but that's not it either...is it? but then he suggests finally going for that walk and riza sighs, shaking her head. ]
Please. I feel like I'm already going mad. [ which is...more true than she really means it to be. is she going crazy? did she say something wrong? was she misreading this whole situation? because that, alone, is crazy - she knows roy well enough to know when he means to say something, even if he doesn't say it. she knows.
[ with another casual shrug, and roy takes the initiative by moving back toward one of the hallways. ]
I haven't explored most of this section of the ship, yet. I have no idea if you can even go down, or if there is a down . . . all I've figured out is how much I hate that noise.
[ he talks as he walks, his movement slow, but purposeful. meandering, really, with no set definition of where he wants to go. there is really nowhere to go, trapped on this ship.
. . . why didn't she get it? she always gets it. roy typically doesn't need to say anything in order for riza to know exactly what is on his mind. and maybe that's the problem, really, that he expects her to just know. she can usually finish his sentences, but he's never voiced anything like this before, or indicated any interest past . . . complete and utter devotion to her, and her safety, this is stupid.
he survived ishval, and the promised day, and he was avoiding a conversation. it was stupid.
and so, after walking in silence for a bit, down a relatively abandoned hallway: ]
I didn't do anything wrong, that I know about.
[ finally, casually. still sort of avoidant. and not entirely leaving the possibility of screwing something up off the table. ]
I wanted to take you out to dinner just to take you out to dinner.
[ moving into step with him is easy. and if she's being honest, it's the most familiar thing she's done since arriving on this ship. roy takes the initiative and riza follows, not even needing to so much as to watch where he is going to know where her feet need to land.
it feels a bit like she's finally able to breathe, the tension and uncertainty that has been boiling under her skin slowly fading to something more manageable. he speaks, and she makes a noise of agreement - something along the lines of mmhmm - as they continue.
but even still, something was off. riza couldn't place what, and it caught her wandering attention as they continued, their pace slow, their stances relaxed. she couldn't keep her mind from returning to his words - i wanted to take you out to dinner. it had been a casual comment, almost flippant, and riza's mind just keeps flashing back to all the times they have eaten dinner. meals. the times over the last year or so that they've just simply existed together. countless nights with the two of them holed up, eating food, talking. it had become habit, by this point. normal. and yet.
i wanted to take you out to dinner
there's something more to it, but riza can't figure out what. maybe it's the ship finally getting to her, the familiar pressure at the back of her eyes, the low running headache she's had for days. maybe she's imagining it all-
except that is when roy speaks. when roy, still walking, still casual, saying things like i wanted to take you out to dinner just to take you out to dinner and riza just. stops. right in the middle of the hallway, her eyes now on the back of his head, his retreating form. there is that feeling again, that knowing that there is something else. and nevermind the way her chest tightens, nevermind the way her mind briefly wanders before it's just pushed away again. ]
Sir. [ to get his attention, in case he hasn't noticed. and when he turns to look at her, her expression will be serious. there is panic, somewhere in the back of her mind. a louder voice saying don't be stupid, there's no way. but then she remembers that it is roy mustang, who has the entire capital fooled into thinking he's some kind of womanizer, who messes up and panics and buys entire cars full of flowers.
who is, also, freaking out. in that low, subtle, small kind of way that riza can still pick up on. ]
Be honest with me. [ it's been how many years. ] Because I'm exhausted, and I'm hearing voices that aren't there, and we've been through enough of these worlds- [ that make people act strangely. but she cuts herself off, pressing her lips together in a thin line for one moment, then two, before her body seems to soften. ]
[ he nearly keeps walking, when she stops . . . mostly out of habit, because riza always keeps pace with him. but when roy notices her absence at his side, he does turn, almost confused at the sudden halt. did something happen, or was something wrong? did she notice something that he didn't? were they in danger?
he blinks, when she talks, and demands that he be honest with her. and roy's brow furrows, slightly, because riza is probably the only person he can't get away with lying to, because she always knows exactly what's on his mind. but as she keeps talking, and emphasizes the lack of sleep, and then asks him to clarify, that roy seems to get what she's asking of him.
he opens his mouth to repeat exactly what he said before (which, he felt, was a pretty honest answer), before he sighs, and has the grace and dignity to look exasperated as he crosses his arms. he, too, hasn't slept recently, and this entire conversation is likely the product of his stupid brain cells not working properly due to sleep deprivation, but . . . too late, now. ]
Riza.
[ her name is said almost accusingly, playfully frustrated, as he unfolds his arms again to put into his pockets. fidgeting, not entirely sure what to do with his hands. this is embarrassing, and he probably could have picked a better time to deal with all of this, but no, roy had to open his mouth and just say it because, why, life is short? what an idiotic --
why was he even embarrassed in the first place? it wasn't as if riza hadn't seen him at his worst, and she had, far worse than a stupid rambling confession. what was he so afraid of, rejection? from her? the concept was impossible to him, not because he was confident in himself, necessarily, but their connection to one another was so deep, and complicated, and complex that it was hard envisioning life without her. there was no life, really, without her, and he had already told her that, hadn't he?
he had only been forced to perform human transmutation because he had refused, because riza had told him not to do it, because she was his guiding path, the person who kept him on track, and made him a good person, a better person, one that was focused on rebuilding, and correcting the sins of the past. it has always been her, so why can't he just say that.
because you're sworn to protect her. because you promised to keep her safe, and you've failed, for the most part. because you've nearly gotten her killed, time, and time, and time again. because she's already promised too much to you, and you can't ask her to give more. because you're not meant to have some semblance of domestic happiness; you're meant for something greater than that. because your paths don't intertwine that completely; eventually, you're going to have to say goodbye.
it's hard to say, really, whether the whispers in his ear are his own insecurities, or the ship playing on his mind. either way, roy steadfastly ignores them, and says, as evenly as he can: ]
I . . . that is a good question. [ with half a laugh, exhaling softly before fidgeting with something in his pockets, trying to figure out what to say next. ] I usually have something to say for every possible scenario, but today has failed me . . . I am trying to say that I probably should have picked a better time to do this, but whenever I'm impatient, I usually ask you what I should do. You typically tell me why I shouldn't do something impulsive and stupid, and I usually listen. But I couldn't ask you [ and roy removes a hand from his pocket to gesture toward her ] what to do about this [ and he gestures at the space between them ] because that would defeat the purpose, but I guess I'm doing it anyway because I'm hopeless, at this, and in general. And I know I still haven't answered your question.
[ he pauses, at that, before he shrugs his shoulders, another (tired) laugh escaping. and, a little sheepish in tone, but overall, genuinely (with only the slightest hint of hesitation before speaking, as confidently as he can manage, though riza can probably tell he's nervous, and it's a complete and utter fake confidence, in comparison to his usual boastful ease): ]
I'm trying to ask whether you'll, firstly, swear that the last twenty minutes never happened, and secondly, allow me to take you out to dinner once we arrive somewhere that isn't a complete nightmare.
[ this was not how he envisioned this going in his head whatsoever but it could be worse. probably.
[ he says riza and something settles in her chest. she doesn't know quite what - if it's understanding, or familiarity, or a knowing that the tone he takes with her name is different enough that she knows it has to mean something specific. that there is something that roy is wrestling with inside his head. there is something, which means that she's not imagining that this is a conversation that is off from normal. this isn't just roy trying to put some kind of emphasis on a normal day.
but...what is it then?
riza watches him, her eyes narrowed the slightest bit as roy fidgets, as he tries to pull out the words. her mind is caught somewhere between trying to come up with reasons and trying to tell herself to calm down, that it's nothing to be worried about, that she should wait for roy to actually answer and all of it would be answered. but then he does start talking, and she...does try to follow. she really does. but he's saying things like today has failed me and i'm impatient and i couldn't ask you and she opens her mouth to say as much when he makes note that he still hadn't answered her, so she closes it again.
he is nervous.
he is very nervous. and riza is still trying to parse together why when he says the words again, when he looks to her sheepishly and a bit more open and embarrassed and all together so much like roy and so unlike roy that her chest tightens a bit just looking at him. because she does know him, can tell how much he's trying to get this across, and there it is. allow me to take you to dinner.
and then it clicks, and her eyes widen. slowly, at first, before the rest of her expression shifts to match. it feels a bit like water falling over her shoulders, an awakening that makes her feel like an idiot and wholly, entirely, completely uncertain it's actually happening, all at once. the words that follow happen before she can think about them, which is a new experience for her, generally. ]
the womanizer is a facade. it helps, for people to underestimate him, that they think he's lazy, stupid, and ignorant. distracted by the pretty girl down the street, rather than focused on his career. allow people to think that; it made absolutely no difference to him, because roy knew the truth. he was smart, and ambitious, and clever. he would make it to the top, on his own terms.
it's really for this reason, not because he's incapable of settling down, that roy chooses not to actually date, or find someone to take that journey with him. it's because he's meant to get to the top, and be that target, alone. people support him, but being at the top is a dangerous path. he's not really guaranteed to survive it.
but, still, he also has riza. she was always meant to be at his side, regardless of what happened. and, now, roy sort of wonders whether or not that's also a reason why he hasn't really pursued finding someone. he already had her; who else could possibly be better than her?
but, again. it's riza. who bluntly asks him what he's trying to say, and roy opens his mouth to respond with an easy don't be ridiculous before he stops himself, and instead, decides he's already committed to making himself look stupid. he may as well make it worse. ]
That would probably violate every single rule in the book, wouldn't it? Probably fortunate that I never actually read the rule book...
[ mulling it over a bit, thoughtful. and then, finally, roy takes half a step forward, his tone becoming a bit more conversational, and less avoidant. a bit more of his natural confidence, peeking through. still nervous, but roy seems to have found his footing, at least.
to hell with it. ]
Would you say yes if I was?
[ because if the answer is no, this literally never happened. ]
she knows roy has always been bad (secretly) at womanizing. has been lying to everyone to keep up a facade that only she and the rest of their team knows. roy mustang has crafted, and created, performed and protected this image that came across to the rest of the capital, and riza has been a helped. riza has been an active support in that, and she knows.
but for whatever reason, for the last ten minutes, she hasn't been able to connect the dots. why roy has never really settled down, why he pretends to keep up this energy when it's nothing but a lie. why she is certain, certain, she has shared more meals with the general roy mustang than any girlfriend, or wife, or potential, would. what she also doesn't quite understand, or at least hasn't considered seriously, is that fact is something she is. comfortable with.
except that it has started to connect. except that general- no. not general. right now, standing in front of her, he is just roy mustang. the thin teenage boy who came to live at her home. the boy she'd watched become a weapon, a soldier, a man. roy mustang, who she has cried over too many times already, who caught her eyes, prepared to commit the worst sin known to man, and who listened - was standing on front of her, turned to face her, who was saying something about rule books and breaking them and is stepping towards her and for whatever reason, for whatever possible reason that she can imagine, her heart is racing.
would you say yes if i was? ]
I- [ riza can't breathe, for just a second there, because in that second it all finally falls into place.
roy mustang is asking her out to dinner.
roy mustang is asking her out on a date.
roy mustang is nervous, roy mustang is unsure, roy mustang is putting up a front and putting up a face to pretend like he's not about to vibrate out of his skin because he is asking her out on a date and she.
isn't sure how to react.
so instead, riza blinks. once. as is to make sure her faculties are working, to make sure this moment is real. but roy is now half a step closer and looking at her in that easy confidence he can still somehow have, and her chest tightens. her breath comes faster, harder, before she finally can exhale.
answer the question. ]
I- [ good god, riza. pull yourself together.
she swallows, her eyes darting off to the side in this indiscriminate hallway of some space ship out in the middle of nowhere in an impossible situation that she has - if she's being honest - only actually survived because of the man standing in front of her. and then she's looking back to him. ]
Honestly? [ and her next exhale sounds almost like a laugh, something soft. something too fond and too telling. she doesn't know what she's doing, what the words that come next even mean, but they feel right, somehow. in some way. ]
[ roy loves chess because it involves strategy, thinking twelve steps ahead in order to secure an outcome. he is a tactician, a brilliant field soldier, and good at manuveuring troops along the battlefield. but there is always the moment of thrill, at a risky move, as you wait to see how the chips fall. and that is how this feels -- the prickling of adrenaline, of nerves, of wondering what is going to happen.
and then she continues to talk, to stammer her way through her thoughts. it's not an immediate rejection, and she's clearly . . . surprised, which isn't necessarily a surprise to him. roy has spent quite a lot of his career drawing a firm line between him and his subordinates -- one, because it's appropriate, and two, because the comments about his relationship with riza are relentless. and roy always shuts them down immediately, but he hasn't exactly made his feelings known. especially to her.
but when she doesn't look at him, his confidence falters. why isn't she looking at him? the line has already been crossed, and it isn't as if he can take it back. and he's about to apologize, to tell her to forget it, and that it had been a stupid thing to say before she says . . . i think i would. ]
You think. You can't let me have one easy victory, can you?
[ he repeats, with half a laugh, and a roll of his eyes, his tone shifting into a familiar mock insult, as he closes the distance to a familiar foot or so, sliding his hands into the pockets of his coat, amused . . . even if his expression is a little bit miffed.
still. a yes, was a yes. even if it was a temporary yes. a promise for when they get the hell out of here. and, now that that secret is finally off of his chest, the tension in his shoulders seems to lighten by at least a few inches. and, realizing that he hasn't actually secured it, yet, he continues to speak. his tone dry, purposeful. ]
I'll hedge my bets, pray you aren't armed, and say that I am, then.
[ another joke. riza is alwyas armed. but she would only shoot him in a very specific, limited scenario, and roy is pretty sure he hasn't totally lost his mind. hopefully. ]
[ it's an interesting experience, to watch this side of roy from the receiving end. to have his eyes turned on her while his mind shifts and moves and prepares. she is so used to seeing it from the side, from the back, watching the way his shoulders would tense or his arms would cross. here, she can see his eyes, can see the cogs turning, can watch him as he puts the pieces in play.
if she's being honest, it's thrilling. she doesn't know why, because there should be some part of it that terrifying, but she can meet his eyes here and know (or at least guess) what he's trying to do, and.
riza's eyes dart away briefly before returning, the shock and surprise of the whole ordeal overwhelming her momentarily. but she keeps breathing, keeps herself steady, and when she does look back to him it's just in time to catch that look of deflating confidence (which, really, feels impossible despite knowing better) before she does, finally, answer him. and maybe it's not as direct as it could be, but it is an answer and he. laughs.
something flutters in her chest at that. even as her lips curl into a knowing smile, one brow arching. ] I'm not here to give you easy victories, sir. [ because that's true, she's not, but her focus isn't necessarily on the implications of that so much as it is on the way he closes the distance just a little more, hands hanging in his pockets easily, and her chest is still tight.
there is more to this she should be considering. the rules they're breaking, the lines they're crossing, the fact that roy mustang is standing in front of her with his heart on his sleeve asking her on a date and the world isn't, somehow, falling down around them. she crosses her arms over her chest, though it's more relaxed than anything, as her head tilts from one side to the other, as if she's considering. ]
Should I be worried about your gambling habits? [ a beat, before she lets out another breath of air, still smiling, still light. it sounds a bit like she's rolling her eyes, which she would if she could get past the loud beating in her chest. ]
Yes. I'm saying yes, I will go to dinner with you.
[ the relief is palpable. roy has faced off against monsters, immortality, death, war . . . but that was likely the most terrifying thing he had ever been through. and while she says yes, it's her body language that really sets roy at least. the crossing of her arms, the arch of her eyebrows, the dryness of her tone. it truly is okay, and roy is suddenly cognizant of the proximity. and the way the hair falls into her eyes, and it's getting . . . longer . . .
focus. ]
Good.
[ warmly, and, without missing a beat, roy continues. ]
Any bad habits that I need to fix would surely have been brought to my attention by now.
[ as he turns, and gently nudges his shoulder against hers, indicating she should follow. he did say he wanted to go for a walk, and being siderailed aside, he did want to explore more. now, he can do so in a much better mood. ]
Impulsivity, arrogance, being too stubborn. Laziness, procrastination. Impatience. Having a temper. Am I missing any?
[ the more he goes on, the more he realizes he owes riza several dinners, for tolerating him . . . but he can work his way up to that amount of groveling when he makes his way to taking her out to dinner. ]
[ she sees the relief wash over him, and it appears...not weird, necessarily. but a bit ridiculous. was he really that worried? was there even, really, a chance she would have said no? riza has to seriously consider that question, really, because despite how obvious the fact that she would always - always - be at roy's side might be, having roy actually ask? have it be said, out loud? that's...different. that's harder. that's...well. she supposes is an accurate enough reason to look so relieved in the fact of a simple dinner.
( is it really simple, though? )
riza sighs all the same, her eyes rolling ever so slightly - again, a familiar enough expression for roy. ]
All bad habits have been brought to your attention, sir. Repetitively. With little to no acknowledgement or correction.
[ and yet, here she is, unable to keep the soft curl of her lips out of the way of a small smile. roy is casual about it all, warm, nudging her shoulder like this had all simply been part of the plan, and riza wants to admit it feels familiar. that all of this is normal. except that it's not, is it? because he bumps his shoulder against her's and the feeling is hot, quick to spread, shooting across her shoulders and down her spine. it's different, but not bad, and riza watches as he indicates she should follow him.
( into hell, if asked. ) ]
Recklessness, tendency towards martyrdom, I would go as far as to mention laziness again.
[ and she begins to walk, falling into step next to him like it's as easy as breathing, like it's the only place she would consider herself to be.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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it's breathtaking, really. hard to wrap her mind around, at first. but she isn't surprised to find roy here. ]
It is beautiful.
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[ in response, without much more physical reaction, to riza being there. he can feel her coming, and recognizes her footsteps. but after his statement, he sighs and glances toward her. tired. ]
I haven't been able to sleep, since we got here. I keep hearing things that aren't here.
[ which is hardly an isolated experience, from what he's observed. ]
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It’s peaceful.
[ she doesn’t expect him to respond. they know the sound of each other’s footfalls, the push and pull of their feet against the ground. she can feel him turn to face her, but she keeps her eyes forward. ]
Hmm. [ considering his statements. ] I haven’t either. Something about the hallways makes me... [ a beat, and then she does finally turn to him. ] Did you want to go for a walk?
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it's more than the stupid hallway. it's akvos, and the time away from amestris, and shehui. and surviving, and nearly losing the circle, and (by extension) nearly losing her. and wandering around the abandoned ship has made him antsy, and even worse, bored. and when roy is bored, he thinks, and his mind wanders, and it inevitably rests on her.
he's about to suggest that they ignore the walk altogether when she doesn't finish her sentence. makes her what? uneasy? claustrophobic? frustrated? all of the above? does it even really matter? ]
I wanted to take you out to dinner.
[ the words sort of fall out of his mouth before he can really think about them, which evident in the tiniest of cringes that crosses his face after he says it, and roy lets the words hang in the air for half a moment before he sighs, turning to face her, a little sheepish, but mostly (pretending to be) aggravated. ]
But the witch sent us to an abandoned haunted space ship instead of actual civilization, so a walk will have to do.
[ please don't make him Explain ]
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she could have finished the sentence if she wanted to. there's a laundry list of emotions she could add. but when she might have continued, might have added on, but roy speaks first. says take you out to dinner and riza just. pauses. stops, all things considered, because she is still looking at him and he has his eyes out to the stars and he just said he wanted to take her to dinner?
didn't they just...have dinner? she frowns. and yes, she sees the cringe. sees the way he almost wishes he didn't say it. but it doesn't connect, somewhere along the line. how many dinners have they shared? how many times have they-
and then she gets it (or thinks she gets it) and riza lets out a breath. ]
Sir. [ a beat, where her eyes rise curiously. tired, accepting, but curious. ] What did you do?
[ because obviously he's trying to apologize for something. obviously. ]
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it puts him in a precarious position. recover, and pretend it never happened, or press the point, and explain. the thought of explaining the concept of dinner makes him feel ridiculously stupid, and it makes the entire thing feel uncomfortable, and roy would rather not explain that he wants to take her out to dinner as a, you know, date, not as a simple sharing dinner time together.
this was a mistake. and also all maes' fault. roy had words for him, after this embarrassment of intergalactic proportions. why hadn't he just done this when he was a teenager? oh, because berthold fucking hawkeye would have had his guts for literal garters. now it's probably too late without sounding completely utterly absurd . . .
none of which, naturally, he says out loud. instead, roy finally glances over at her, and sees her looking at him like that, and he rolls his eyes in response, shrugging his shoulders and taking a step away from the window, sliding his hands into the pockets of his coat. ]
You would know better than I would, wouldn't you? I have no idea what I have or haven't screwed up in the last twenty-four hours.
[ play it off. nonchalant, dismissive, typical roy. easy. ]
Come on, we may as well stretch our legs to avoid going mad on this thing.
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riza doesn't know what it is, or what it is she's said, but she can tell in that immediate moment following that it was wrong and she should have said something else or she's just. forgetting something. riza feels a bit on edge, then - a frown growing on her lips.
what was she missing? what had he been trying to say? but then roy looks at her and rolls his eyes and a little bit of that anxiety fades away because that is still roy who is standing next to her. shrugging. moving on. ]
Okay. [ because she doesn't believe him, and it's too easy to give him an incredulous look at his response. he's absolutely done something, she's sure of it, but that's not it either...is it? but then he suggests finally going for that walk and riza sighs, shaking her head. ]
Please. I feel like I'm already going mad. [ which is...more true than she really means it to be. is she going crazy? did she say something wrong? was she misreading this whole situation? because that, alone, is crazy - she knows roy well enough to know when he means to say something, even if he doesn't say it. she knows.
so why is she doubting herself now? ]
Anywhere in particular?
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[ with another casual shrug, and roy takes the initiative by moving back toward one of the hallways. ]
I haven't explored most of this section of the ship, yet. I have no idea if you can even go down, or if there is a down . . . all I've figured out is how much I hate that noise.
[ he talks as he walks, his movement slow, but purposeful. meandering, really, with no set definition of where he wants to go. there is really nowhere to go, trapped on this ship.
. . . why didn't she get it? she always gets it. roy typically doesn't need to say anything in order for riza to know exactly what is on his mind. and maybe that's the problem, really, that he expects her to just know. she can usually finish his sentences, but he's never voiced anything like this before, or indicated any interest past . . . complete and utter devotion to her, and her safety, this is stupid.
he survived ishval, and the promised day, and he was avoiding a conversation. it was stupid.
and so, after walking in silence for a bit, down a relatively abandoned hallway: ]
I didn't do anything wrong, that I know about.
[ finally, casually. still sort of avoidant. and not entirely leaving the possibility of screwing something up off the table. ]
I wanted to take you out to dinner just to take you out to dinner.
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it feels a bit like she's finally able to breathe, the tension and uncertainty that has been boiling under her skin slowly fading to something more manageable. he speaks, and she makes a noise of agreement - something along the lines of mmhmm - as they continue.
but even still, something was off. riza couldn't place what, and it caught her wandering attention as they continued, their pace slow, their stances relaxed. she couldn't keep her mind from returning to his words - i wanted to take you out to dinner. it had been a casual comment, almost flippant, and riza's mind just keeps flashing back to all the times they have eaten dinner. meals. the times over the last year or so that they've just simply existed together. countless nights with the two of them holed up, eating food, talking. it had become habit, by this point. normal. and yet.
i wanted to take you out to dinner
there's something more to it, but riza can't figure out what. maybe it's the ship finally getting to her, the familiar pressure at the back of her eyes, the low running headache she's had for days. maybe she's imagining it all-
except that is when roy speaks. when roy, still walking, still casual, saying things like i wanted to take you out to dinner just to take you out to dinner and riza just. stops. right in the middle of the hallway, her eyes now on the back of his head, his retreating form. there is that feeling again, that knowing that there is something else. and nevermind the way her chest tightens, nevermind the way her mind briefly wanders before it's just pushed away again. ]
Sir. [ to get his attention, in case he hasn't noticed. and when he turns to look at her, her expression will be serious. there is panic, somewhere in the back of her mind. a louder voice saying don't be stupid, there's no way. but then she remembers that it is roy mustang, who has the entire capital fooled into thinking he's some kind of womanizer, who messes up and panics and buys entire cars full of flowers.
who is, also, freaking out. in that low, subtle, small kind of way that riza can still pick up on. ]
Be honest with me. [ it's been how many years. ] Because I'm exhausted, and I'm hearing voices that aren't there, and we've been through enough of these worlds- [ that make people act strangely. but she cuts herself off, pressing her lips together in a thin line for one moment, then two, before her body seems to soften. ]
What are you trying to say?
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he blinks, when she talks, and demands that he be honest with her. and roy's brow furrows, slightly, because riza is probably the only person he can't get away with lying to, because she always knows exactly what's on his mind. but as she keeps talking, and emphasizes the lack of sleep, and then asks him to clarify, that roy seems to get what she's asking of him.
he opens his mouth to repeat exactly what he said before (which, he felt, was a pretty honest answer), before he sighs, and has the grace and dignity to look exasperated as he crosses his arms. he, too, hasn't slept recently, and this entire conversation is likely the product of his stupid brain cells not working properly due to sleep deprivation, but . . . too late, now. ]
Riza.
[ her name is said almost accusingly, playfully frustrated, as he unfolds his arms again to put into his pockets. fidgeting, not entirely sure what to do with his hands. this is embarrassing, and he probably could have picked a better time to deal with all of this, but no, roy had to open his mouth and just say it because, why, life is short? what an idiotic --
why was he even embarrassed in the first place? it wasn't as if riza hadn't seen him at his worst, and she had, far worse than a stupid rambling confession. what was he so afraid of, rejection? from her? the concept was impossible to him, not because he was confident in himself, necessarily, but their connection to one another was so deep, and complicated, and complex that it was hard envisioning life without her. there was no life, really, without her, and he had already told her that, hadn't he?
he had only been forced to perform human transmutation because he had refused, because riza had told him not to do it, because she was his guiding path, the person who kept him on track, and made him a good person, a better person, one that was focused on rebuilding, and correcting the sins of the past. it has always been her, so why can't he just say that.
because you're sworn to protect her. because you promised to keep her safe, and you've failed, for the most part. because you've nearly gotten her killed, time, and time, and time again. because she's already promised too much to you, and you can't ask her to give more. because you're not meant to have some semblance of domestic happiness; you're meant for something greater than that. because your paths don't intertwine that completely; eventually, you're going to have to say goodbye.
it's hard to say, really, whether the whispers in his ear are his own insecurities, or the ship playing on his mind. either way, roy steadfastly ignores them, and says, as evenly as he can: ]
I . . . that is a good question. [ with half a laugh, exhaling softly before fidgeting with something in his pockets, trying to figure out what to say next. ] I usually have something to say for every possible scenario, but today has failed me . . . I am trying to say that I probably should have picked a better time to do this, but whenever I'm impatient, I usually ask you what I should do. You typically tell me why I shouldn't do something impulsive and stupid, and I usually listen. But I couldn't ask you [ and roy removes a hand from his pocket to gesture toward her ] what to do about this [ and he gestures at the space between them ] because that would defeat the purpose, but I guess I'm doing it anyway because I'm hopeless, at this, and in general. And I know I still haven't answered your question.
[ he pauses, at that, before he shrugs his shoulders, another (tired) laugh escaping. and, a little sheepish in tone, but overall, genuinely (with only the slightest hint of hesitation before speaking, as confidently as he can manage, though riza can probably tell he's nervous, and it's a complete and utter fake confidence, in comparison to his usual boastful ease): ]
I'm trying to ask whether you'll, firstly, swear that the last twenty minutes never happened, and secondly, allow me to take you out to dinner once we arrive somewhere that isn't a complete nightmare.
[ this was not how he envisioned this going in his head whatsoever but it could be worse. probably.
help]no subject
but...what is it then?
riza watches him, her eyes narrowed the slightest bit as roy fidgets, as he tries to pull out the words. her mind is caught somewhere between trying to come up with reasons and trying to tell herself to calm down, that it's nothing to be worried about, that she should wait for roy to actually answer and all of it would be answered. but then he does start talking, and she...does try to follow. she really does. but he's saying things like today has failed me and i'm impatient and i couldn't ask you and she opens her mouth to say as much when he makes note that he still hadn't answered her, so she closes it again.
he is nervous.
he is very nervous. and riza is still trying to parse together why when he says the words again, when he looks to her sheepishly and a bit more open and embarrassed and all together so much like roy and so unlike roy that her chest tightens a bit just looking at him. because she does know him, can tell how much he's trying to get this across, and there it is. allow me to take you to dinner.
and then it clicks, and her eyes widen. slowly, at first, before the rest of her expression shifts to match. it feels a bit like water falling over her shoulders, an awakening that makes her feel like an idiot and wholly, entirely, completely uncertain it's actually happening, all at once. the words that follow happen before she can think about them, which is a new experience for her, generally. ]
Are you asking to take me on a date?
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the womanizer is a facade. it helps, for people to underestimate him, that they think he's lazy, stupid, and ignorant. distracted by the pretty girl down the street, rather than focused on his career. allow people to think that; it made absolutely no difference to him, because roy knew the truth. he was smart, and ambitious, and clever. he would make it to the top, on his own terms.
it's really for this reason, not because he's incapable of settling down, that roy chooses not to actually date, or find someone to take that journey with him. it's because he's meant to get to the top, and be that target, alone. people support him, but being at the top is a dangerous path. he's not really guaranteed to survive it.
but, still, he also has riza. she was always meant to be at his side, regardless of what happened. and, now, roy sort of wonders whether or not that's also a reason why he hasn't really pursued finding someone. he already had her; who else could possibly be better than her?
but, again. it's riza. who bluntly asks him what he's trying to say, and roy opens his mouth to respond with an easy don't be ridiculous before he stops himself, and instead, decides he's already committed to making himself look stupid. he may as well make it worse. ]
That would probably violate every single rule in the book, wouldn't it? Probably fortunate that I never actually read the rule book...
[ mulling it over a bit, thoughtful. and then, finally, roy takes half a step forward, his tone becoming a bit more conversational, and less avoidant. a bit more of his natural confidence, peeking through. still nervous, but roy seems to have found his footing, at least.
to hell with it. ]
Would you say yes if I was?
[ because if the answer is no, this literally never happened. ]
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she knows roy has always been bad (secretly) at womanizing. has been lying to everyone to keep up a facade that only she and the rest of their team knows. roy mustang has crafted, and created, performed and protected this image that came across to the rest of the capital, and riza has been a helped. riza has been an active support in that, and she knows.
but for whatever reason, for the last ten minutes, she hasn't been able to connect the dots. why roy has never really settled down, why he pretends to keep up this energy when it's nothing but a lie. why she is certain, certain, she has shared more meals with the general roy mustang than any girlfriend, or wife, or potential, would. what she also doesn't quite understand, or at least hasn't considered seriously, is that fact is something she is. comfortable with.
except that it has started to connect. except that general- no. not general. right now, standing in front of her, he is just roy mustang. the thin teenage boy who came to live at her home. the boy she'd watched become a weapon, a soldier, a man. roy mustang, who she has cried over too many times already, who caught her eyes, prepared to commit the worst sin known to man, and who listened - was standing on front of her, turned to face her, who was saying something about rule books and breaking them and is stepping towards her and for whatever reason, for whatever possible reason that she can imagine, her heart is racing.
would you say yes if i was? ]
I- [ riza can't breathe, for just a second there, because in that second it all finally falls into place.
roy mustang is asking her out to dinner.
roy mustang is asking her out on a date.
roy mustang is nervous, roy mustang is unsure, roy mustang is putting up a front and putting up a face to pretend like he's not about to vibrate out of his skin because he is asking her out on a date and she.
isn't sure how to react.
so instead, riza blinks. once. as is to make sure her faculties are working, to make sure this moment is real. but roy is now half a step closer and looking at her in that easy confidence he can still somehow have, and her chest tightens. her breath comes faster, harder, before she finally can exhale.
answer the question. ]
I- [ good god, riza. pull yourself together.
she swallows, her eyes darting off to the side in this indiscriminate hallway of some space ship out in the middle of nowhere in an impossible situation that she has - if she's being honest - only actually survived because of the man standing in front of her. and then she's looking back to him. ]
Honestly? [ and her next exhale sounds almost like a laugh, something soft. something too fond and too telling. she doesn't know what she's doing, what the words that come next even mean, but they feel right, somehow. in some way. ]
I think I- I would, if you were.
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and then she continues to talk, to stammer her way through her thoughts. it's not an immediate rejection, and she's clearly . . . surprised, which isn't necessarily a surprise to him. roy has spent quite a lot of his career drawing a firm line between him and his subordinates -- one, because it's appropriate, and two, because the comments about his relationship with riza are relentless. and roy always shuts them down immediately, but he hasn't exactly made his feelings known. especially to her.
but when she doesn't look at him, his confidence falters. why isn't she looking at him? the line has already been crossed, and it isn't as if he can take it back. and he's about to apologize, to tell her to forget it, and that it had been a stupid thing to say before she says . . . i think i would. ]
You think. You can't let me have one easy victory, can you?
[ he repeats, with half a laugh, and a roll of his eyes, his tone shifting into a familiar mock insult, as he closes the distance to a familiar foot or so, sliding his hands into the pockets of his coat, amused . . . even if his expression is a little bit miffed.
still. a yes, was a yes. even if it was a temporary yes. a promise for when they get the hell out of here. and, now that that secret is finally off of his chest, the tension in his shoulders seems to lighten by at least a few inches. and, realizing that he hasn't actually secured it, yet, he continues to speak. his tone dry, purposeful. ]
I'll hedge my bets, pray you aren't armed, and say that I am, then.
[ another joke. riza is alwyas armed. but she would only shoot him in a very specific, limited scenario, and roy is pretty sure he hasn't totally lost his mind. hopefully. ]
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if she's being honest, it's thrilling. she doesn't know why, because there should be some part of it that terrifying, but she can meet his eyes here and know (or at least guess) what he's trying to do, and.
riza's eyes dart away briefly before returning, the shock and surprise of the whole ordeal overwhelming her momentarily. but she keeps breathing, keeps herself steady, and when she does look back to him it's just in time to catch that look of deflating confidence (which, really, feels impossible despite knowing better) before she does, finally, answer him. and maybe it's not as direct as it could be, but it is an answer and he. laughs.
something flutters in her chest at that. even as her lips curl into a knowing smile, one brow arching. ] I'm not here to give you easy victories, sir. [ because that's true, she's not, but her focus isn't necessarily on the implications of that so much as it is on the way he closes the distance just a little more, hands hanging in his pockets easily, and her chest is still tight.
there is more to this she should be considering. the rules they're breaking, the lines they're crossing, the fact that roy mustang is standing in front of her with his heart on his sleeve asking her on a date and the world isn't, somehow, falling down around them. she crosses her arms over her chest, though it's more relaxed than anything, as her head tilts from one side to the other, as if she's considering. ]
Should I be worried about your gambling habits? [ a beat, before she lets out another breath of air, still smiling, still light. it sounds a bit like she's rolling her eyes, which she would if she could get past the loud beating in her chest. ]
Yes. I'm saying yes, I will go to dinner with you.
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focus. ]
Good.
[ warmly, and, without missing a beat, roy continues. ]
Any bad habits that I need to fix would surely have been brought to my attention by now.
[ as he turns, and gently nudges his shoulder against hers, indicating she should follow. he did say he wanted to go for a walk, and being siderailed aside, he did want to explore more. now, he can do so in a much better mood. ]
Impulsivity, arrogance, being too stubborn. Laziness, procrastination. Impatience. Having a temper. Am I missing any?
[ the more he goes on, the more he realizes he owes riza several dinners, for tolerating him . . . but he can work his way up to that amount of groveling when he makes his way to taking her out to dinner. ]
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( is it really simple, though? )
riza sighs all the same, her eyes rolling ever so slightly - again, a familiar enough expression for roy. ]
All bad habits have been brought to your attention, sir. Repetitively. With little to no acknowledgement or correction.
[ and yet, here she is, unable to keep the soft curl of her lips out of the way of a small smile. roy is casual about it all, warm, nudging her shoulder like this had all simply been part of the plan, and riza wants to admit it feels familiar. that all of this is normal. except that it's not, is it? because he bumps his shoulder against her's and the feeling is hot, quick to spread, shooting across her shoulders and down her spine. it's different, but not bad, and riza watches as he indicates she should follow him.
( into hell, if asked. ) ]
Recklessness, tendency towards martyrdom, I would go as far as to mention laziness again.
[ and she begins to walk, falling into step next to him like it's as easy as breathing, like it's the only place she would consider herself to be.
maybe because it is. ]