[ there is a small enough part of her that wonders, briefly, if that line she'd been worried about has officially been crossed. not because she has reached out to hold his face, but because there isn't a hint of regret in the decision. it feels right, it feels safe, and that part of her somehow wonders if that means they're already too far beyond whatever line it was they'd been dancing around.
and yes, she'd been wrong. her initial thought of what to say and what would help had been off. but the second comment, the one she'd actually felt, seemed to be closer to what it was he needed to hear. she can't tell what it is that's crossing his mind in those few seconds that they watch each other, but she can feel the weight of it. can feel him get heavier with the guilt, with the saddness, with the knowledge he is dealing with a situation that is wholly and entirely out of his control. she wants to reach in and take it from him, to pull it from his fingers so he can have a moment to breathe.
instead, he stands there, holding himself together out of a distant need to be fine, and riza's continues to hold his face, to look at him. ]
You can grieve the time taken away from you.
[ because hughes isn't dead, but the hole he left behind lingers. the years they spent back home, without him, are just as real. here, time is weird. here, things happen that should never be possible. but at home, they had still buried hughes. they attended his funeral. they faced envy, and roy the gate, and that was what roy hadn't had time to process. that was what roy was never allowed to process.
her thumb idly traces over his cheek, trying to tell him it's okay, that he doesn't have to hold that back for her. that she gets it, and that he's allowed to process, for once. ]
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and yes, she'd been wrong. her initial thought of what to say and what would help had been off. but the second comment, the one she'd actually felt, seemed to be closer to what it was he needed to hear. she can't tell what it is that's crossing his mind in those few seconds that they watch each other, but she can feel the weight of it. can feel him get heavier with the guilt, with the saddness, with the knowledge he is dealing with a situation that is wholly and entirely out of his control. she wants to reach in and take it from him, to pull it from his fingers so he can have a moment to breathe.
instead, he stands there, holding himself together out of a distant need to be fine, and riza's continues to hold his face, to look at him. ]
You can grieve the time taken away from you.
[ because hughes isn't dead, but the hole he left behind lingers. the years they spent back home, without him, are just as real. here, time is weird. here, things happen that should never be possible. but at home, they had still buried hughes. they attended his funeral. they faced envy, and roy the gate, and that was what roy hadn't had time to process. that was what roy was never allowed to process.
her thumb idly traces over his cheek, trying to tell him it's okay, that he doesn't have to hold that back for her. that she gets it, and that he's allowed to process, for once. ]