[ this feels seemingly out of nowhere. but at the same time, riza is aware of the fact she'd been thinking about messaging him as well. about needing to talk to him as well. ]
There's a practice arena, out near the edge of the forest. Will that work?
Maes isn't surprised at all to find Riza waiting for him. She's the one that keeps Roy going where he needs to go and on time after all. Maes holds up a hand in greeting, his demeanor casual and cheerful as usual with him.
Though the conversation may not stay that way for long.]
Hey-a Hawkeye. [He lowers his hand, slipping it into a pocket.] Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.
[He shifts, trying to figure out where to start. So, he does what he does best, start talking and see where it gets him.] I know this must have seemed out of the blue. But it's honestly been something I've been going over in my head for awhile. I wanted to ask Roy about it..[He pauses, rubbing at his neck.] but I'm not sure how he'd take it. My...that is...[He swallows, he really hates admitting to this.] ...what happened to me clearly had a big impact on him.
[He hesitates. He wants to ask Riza, knows she might not have an answer either, but he'd rather be told he's crazy than to risk going to the Witch first.] Hawkeye...[He frowns, shaking his head and deciding to make his plea more serious.] No, Riza, I know you and Roy don't typically keep secrets, but I need to ask you something and I can't let him know.
[ she turns at the familiar voice, struck by a sudden reminder of him and tucking that back into her chest. it happens less, now, but back in the temple and back to a somewhat relaxed schedule, the feeling catches her off-guard. still, she does smile at him - polite. ]
Of course. I'm happy to help where I can.
[ riza notices how he shifts, and immediately feels herself tense - the fact he asked her out here, the fact he wanted to ask roy but didn't, it catches her attention enough to be on guard. she knew this conversation was going to come, at some point and in some version, but she wasn't necessarily expecting it now.
she should have, maybe, and that is the thought that relaxes her. that forces herself to relax. maes had every right to know anything he wanted to, and the more she thinks about it, the more she shouldn't have expected roy to tell him everything. but of it all, it's hughes' use of her first name that has her...concerned? worried? and as he continues, she can see why. ]
Sir- [ she purses her lips together for a moment. the idea of keeping anything from roy bothers her, bothers her down to her core. but she can also, in a way, understand.
so instead of argue, riza simply takes a slow breath. ]
[He knows it is asking a lot. He does. But he's put Roy through a lot and he doesn't want to add to it if this crazy line of thought of his doesn't pan out. Because there is every reason why it shouldn't pan out. And he knows better than to wish or hope but it's just so goddamn hard not to. He sighs, deciding to just try laying it out in a way that might make sense. He's a logical man, so sometimes it helps to lay the pieces out like a puzzle.]
You and Roy were stuck in a place like this before and you've been with this Witch for awhile now as well. People are brought here by her, but sometimes they go home right? For example, while we were in Struxta, Keith and Shiro both apparently returned home and came back with a lot of time passing for them but not us. Do you know how much say or control she has over that?
[He waits for an answer, wanting to test the waters first before taking the plunge on where he's really going with this line of questioning. Of course, Riza's an intelligent woman so she may get there before he even says it.]
[ the thing is - he could be asking a lot, he could be asking for more than riza is comfortable with giving, but he's asking it of her to save roy the extra weight and that is a task she's willing to take up. and she knows that is what hughes is thinking, and it's the only reason she suddenly feels comfortable with the thought.
i can't let him know.
and hughes is a smart man. a smart, logical, curious man. of course he would have questions, and of course they would have to do with topics they both know roy shouldn't have to deal with, even if he would probably have a better, more clear answer. still, riza nods, thinking back to the witch before. to their time before, and how different it all is now. ]
They do sometimes go home, yes. I don't know how different it is now than it was before, because I don't remember anyone going home before. But- [ and she takes a breath here, pressing her lips together. ] I don't know how much say she has over it. Shiro mentioned to me that he asked Astoria about him going home, and she hadn't known what he was talking about.
[ she gives a small sigh, shaking her head. ] Of course, she could be lying. But it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't have any control over it.
[It's not exactly the answer he was wanting. Was Astoria not the one that brought them to this place? How could she not be the one responsible for sending them home as well? This definitely put a hitch in his line of questioning, but he decided to chase another thread.]
Has she ever talked about how she goes about bringing people here? Why she selects the people that she does?
[Does Astoria have any plan at all for this 'fight' she wants them so badly to take part in? He's starting to have his doubts.]
Not that I've talked to her about, at least. She's talked about bringing people here she has a connection with, and people she can bring. [ she pauses, and then exhales. ]
[Maes falls silent. It was the reason he asked her to come, and yet finally being asked the question directly makes him not want to voice it aloud. He didn't want to burden Roy, but it wasn't fair to burden Riza with this either. This is what got him into trouble in the first place...wanting to know something so bad. At least that time he had gained the knowledge because he was helping someone else out. This time it was just pure, selfish self-preservation. Maes sighs. Like most things, there's just no going back on this. The words he speaks next are bitter, though not directed at Riza.]
Because what's the point of magically summoning me here, giving me a second chance at life, only to send me back to where things ended?
[He was nearly dead when he arrived here. Even without Roy telling him, he knew that wound was fatal. And whatever magic brought him here had healed that.]
[ as maes falls silent, riza starts to understand the territory they're stepping into. the territory that hughes has specifically brought to her, to save asking roy. the weight of this exchange is noted, for sure, and riza does her best to prepare for it. because while she and maes may not know each other as either of them know roy, or as roy knows either of them, they have a shared set of values. a shared goal, and shared priorities.
he is her superior officer, sure, but he also is allowed to be frustrated. allowed to be concerned. allowed - as riza soon sees - bitter questions directed at an impossible witch. she doesn't take them personally, though she does need a moment to consider them herself. ]
There's not- [ she pauses, reconsiders, and then lets out a soft exhale. despite herself, there is a flash of hughes from before - bloodied, weak, sleeping in the corner of a makeshift tent in a forest that none of them had been prepared for. she sees roy, haunted and falling apart, asking why in this exact same frame of mind. but then riza takes another breath, resets herself, because she has to. because she needs to, for them. ]
Sir, there's no proof she is going to send you- or any of us- back. [ which, as soon as the words leave her, riza winces ever so slightly - realizing the extent of her comment, of what it could mean. ] I don't know what her expectations are, or why she brought us here at all, but Roy and I- [ there's a brief part of her that worries she used roy instead of general but she continues anyway. ] We've been here, or at the mercy of the previous witch, for nearly a year.
[ another pause, and then she shakes her head. she's not good at this. she's never been good at this. ]
Astoria is using us to do a job she can't do herself, and is bringing people here consistently to help us do that job. There have been people sent back, but every time she's asked about it, she doesn't know why or how. Just that she 'lost connection' with someone.
[So that's it then. There's nothing to fight here, nothing to rail against, because like everything it is out of his control. He's glad he brought this to Riza though, because if there is one thing he trusts her to do it is to not pull punches about this. In a way, even if this isn't the answer he wanted, it still helps to hear it. It means that he can start thinking of his time here differently. It's...still a bit of a ticking time bomb in a way, but at least (as far as they know) it isn't one that Astoria has implemented as some sick, twisted game.
It's not much of an answer really. And while he may now never see his wife and child again, he can at least continue living here. He doesn't know what that means for the future, but he realizes that none of the others do either. Maybe he can have a little hope, but he has to realize that it has to be tempered with the fact that realistically he may very well return to die all over again.
Up until now, he'd been thinking that there might be a way to negotiate some kind of agreement with Astoria. Some way to extend his life or even return home at some point down the line when this plan of her's was fulfilled. But, he supposes if he thinks about it, there are probably an infinite number of worlds and if she's trying to help all of them...well, they could be at this for some time.
Maes quietly processes this, his shoulders dropping a bit as he finally lets go of the panicked problem solving he'd been trying to do in his head. He takes a breath.]
All right. I think I understand a little better now. [Pause, and then he adds.] Thank you.
[ riza...doesn't like this. she doesn't like the way she can see hughes almost deflate, doesn't like the way she phrased what she did or how it probably came across. there's a reason she doesn't like to be the one to explain this sort of thing, because she's sure there was some kind of point she's missing, or reason she didn't explain.
hughes watches her in those moments after, processing what it is she has to say, and riza wishes, desperately, that this will be...okay. there's so much more to this conversation that she's not equipped to handle - grieving, death, general hughes standing in front of her, but riza hawkeye isn't one to step down from a situation, and especially not one like this, no matter how well or not she may be able to handle it.
when he lets out a breath, riza finds herself holding her own in - just for a moment, just until he finishes speaking, before she exhales herself. ]
You're...welcome. [ she's not confident he has anything to thank her about, but riza isn't going to tell him as much. ]
And....sir? [ because she has to say it. because she needs him to believe it, because she needs roy to believe it. ] When we go to all of these different worlds, there might be something we're not considering. We've already experienced technology beyond what any of us can accomplish back home, and magic, too. [ the word doesn't sit very well in her mouth, but there's no other way to explain kathashun. to explain this. ] If I've learned anything while we've been under the thumb of these witches, it's that nothing is impossible.
[Perhaps not, but in some ways it is a thank you for addressing him at all. He knew he'd be dropping a lot on her, but he appreciates that she is willing to take it on. Usually he would leave the 'burdening other people' thing to Roy. But he'd been driving himself crazy with possibilities and he still wasn't sure how he felt about asking these questions of Astoria. But, perhaps it was starting to get to be a time when he should.
At Riza's additional assessment he nods.]
Very true. I'll keep that in mind as we move forward. We're in a really unique situation here, so who knows what might come out of it.
[ she nods, even though a good part of her doesn't think she helped hughes nearly as much as she would have liked. but there's also - in general - a lot to deal with here, and she's not nearly qualified enough to help a man grapple with the fact he is dead back home, but alive here, and what will happen moving forward.
still, riza tried. and she'll keep trying, if hughes needs her to. ]
The only thing we've really been able to gather so far- you have to be prepared for just about anything.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(text)
There's a practice arena, out near the edge of the forest. Will that work?
(text)
It should. Rendezvous in 15?
(text) => action.
[ and she'll be there at exactly fifteen minutes, when he arrives, without black hayate in tow. ]
action
Though the conversation may not stay that way for long.]
Hey-a Hawkeye. [He lowers his hand, slipping it into a pocket.] Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.
[He shifts, trying to figure out where to start. So, he does what he does best, start talking and see where it gets him.] I know this must have seemed out of the blue. But it's honestly been something I've been going over in my head for awhile. I wanted to ask Roy about it..[He pauses, rubbing at his neck.] but I'm not sure how he'd take it. My...that is...[He swallows, he really hates admitting to this.] ...what happened to me clearly had a big impact on him.
[He hesitates. He wants to ask Riza, knows she might not have an answer either, but he'd rather be told he's crazy than to risk going to the Witch first.] Hawkeye...[He frowns, shaking his head and deciding to make his plea more serious.] No, Riza, I know you and Roy don't typically keep secrets, but I need to ask you something and I can't let him know.
Not yet.
action
Of course. I'm happy to help where I can.
[ riza notices how he shifts, and immediately feels herself tense - the fact he asked her out here, the fact he wanted to ask roy but didn't, it catches her attention enough to be on guard. she knew this conversation was going to come, at some point and in some version, but she wasn't necessarily expecting it now.
she should have, maybe, and that is the thought that relaxes her. that forces herself to relax. maes had every right to know anything he wanted to, and the more she thinks about it, the more she shouldn't have expected roy to tell him everything. but of it all, it's hughes' use of her first name that has her...concerned? worried? and as he continues, she can see why. ]
Sir- [ she purses her lips together for a moment. the idea of keeping anything from roy bothers her, bothers her down to her core. but she can also, in a way, understand.
so instead of argue, riza simply takes a slow breath. ]
What do you need to ask?
action
You and Roy were stuck in a place like this before and you've been with this Witch for awhile now as well. People are brought here by her, but sometimes they go home right? For example, while we were in Struxta, Keith and Shiro both apparently returned home and came back with a lot of time passing for them but not us. Do you know how much say or control she has over that?
[He waits for an answer, wanting to test the waters first before taking the plunge on where he's really going with this line of questioning. Of course, Riza's an intelligent woman so she may get there before he even says it.]
action
i can't let him know.
and hughes is a smart man. a smart, logical, curious man. of course he would have questions, and of course they would have to do with topics they both know roy shouldn't have to deal with, even if he would probably have a better, more clear answer. still, riza nods, thinking back to the witch before. to their time before, and how different it all is now. ]
They do sometimes go home, yes. I don't know how different it is now than it was before, because I don't remember anyone going home before. But- [ and she takes a breath here, pressing her lips together. ] I don't know how much say she has over it. Shiro mentioned to me that he asked Astoria about him going home, and she hadn't known what he was talking about.
[ she gives a small sigh, shaking her head. ] Of course, she could be lying. But it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't have any control over it.
action
Has she ever talked about how she goes about bringing people here? Why she selects the people that she does?
[Does Astoria have any plan at all for this 'fight' she wants them so badly to take part in? He's starting to have his doubts.]
action
Not that I've talked to her about, at least. She's talked about bringing people here she has a connection with, and people she can bring. [ she pauses, and then exhales. ]
Why are you asking, sir?
action
Because what's the point of magically summoning me here, giving me a second chance at life, only to send me back to where things ended?
[He was nearly dead when he arrived here. Even without Roy telling him, he knew that wound was fatal. And whatever magic brought him here had healed that.]
I can't...I can't just accept that!
action
he is her superior officer, sure, but he also is allowed to be frustrated. allowed to be concerned. allowed - as riza soon sees - bitter questions directed at an impossible witch. she doesn't take them personally, though she does need a moment to consider them herself. ]
There's not- [ she pauses, reconsiders, and then lets out a soft exhale. despite herself, there is a flash of hughes from before - bloodied, weak, sleeping in the corner of a makeshift tent in a forest that none of them had been prepared for. she sees roy, haunted and falling apart, asking why in this exact same frame of mind. but then riza takes another breath, resets herself, because she has to. because she needs to, for them. ]
Sir, there's no proof she is going to send you- or any of us- back. [ which, as soon as the words leave her, riza winces ever so slightly - realizing the extent of her comment, of what it could mean. ] I don't know what her expectations are, or why she brought us here at all, but Roy and I- [ there's a brief part of her that worries she used roy instead of general but she continues anyway. ] We've been here, or at the mercy of the previous witch, for nearly a year.
[ another pause, and then she shakes her head. she's not good at this. she's never been good at this. ]
Astoria is using us to do a job she can't do herself, and is bringing people here consistently to help us do that job. There have been people sent back, but every time she's asked about it, she doesn't know why or how. Just that she 'lost connection' with someone.
no subject
It's not much of an answer really. And while he may now never see his wife and child again, he can at least continue living here. He doesn't know what that means for the future, but he realizes that none of the others do either. Maybe he can have a little hope, but he has to realize that it has to be tempered with the fact that realistically he may very well return to die all over again.
Up until now, he'd been thinking that there might be a way to negotiate some kind of agreement with Astoria. Some way to extend his life or even return home at some point down the line when this plan of her's was fulfilled. But, he supposes if he thinks about it, there are probably an infinite number of worlds and if she's trying to help all of them...well, they could be at this for some time.
Maes quietly processes this, his shoulders dropping a bit as he finally lets go of the panicked problem solving he'd been trying to do in his head. He takes a breath.]
All right. I think I understand a little better now. [Pause, and then he adds.] Thank you.
no subject
hughes watches her in those moments after, processing what it is she has to say, and riza wishes, desperately, that this will be...okay. there's so much more to this conversation that she's not equipped to handle - grieving, death, general hughes standing in front of her, but riza hawkeye isn't one to step down from a situation, and especially not one like this, no matter how well or not she may be able to handle it.
when he lets out a breath, riza finds herself holding her own in - just for a moment, just until he finishes speaking, before she exhales herself. ]
You're...welcome. [ she's not confident he has anything to thank her about, but riza isn't going to tell him as much. ]
And....sir? [ because she has to say it. because she needs him to believe it, because she needs roy to believe it. ] When we go to all of these different worlds, there might be something we're not considering. We've already experienced technology beyond what any of us can accomplish back home, and magic, too. [ the word doesn't sit very well in her mouth, but there's no other way to explain kathashun. to explain this. ] If I've learned anything while we've been under the thumb of these witches, it's that nothing is impossible.
no subject
At Riza's additional assessment he nods.]
Very true. I'll keep that in mind as we move forward. We're in a really unique situation here, so who knows what might come out of it.
no subject
still, riza tried. and she'll keep trying, if hughes needs her to. ]
The only thing we've really been able to gather so far- you have to be prepared for just about anything.